Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why a new father will never become President.

I was watching news coverage of our new President and his family. What lovely children. How cute they are! And - notice, how old. 7 years old and 10 years old. Boy, they caught them at that perfect spot where cuteness has not yet worn off and teenage awkwardness has not yet begun. He times everything well, huh? :)

Well, then I started thinking about it some more, and realized that it is actually really difficult to run a campaign with a younger child. But getting elected with baby on the brain is not the biggest hurdle for a new father. I suspect it could be done. There are such men among us; my husband is certainly one of them, and heck, Barack could be good enough as well. BUT! What will bring such a President down is the cuteness of his offspring.

Allow me to explain. Based on my experience so far, the President will not be able to conduct ANY discussions that are not centered around his kid. No one will talk to him about anything else. All foreign policy will be stalled completely. I imagine it going like this:

President: And for the Middle Peace Crisis policy, I may support your position to try and negotiate Israel's withdrawal to 1967 borders if ....
Mohamed Mubarak: OH! You have a new baby! He is SUCH a CUTIE PIE!! How old is HE? My goodness!!

President: Um.... 4 months. Thank you. I would also like to encourage Israel to.....
Mohamed Mubarak (interrupts): 4 months? He is BIG! How much does he weigh? Like, 15 pounds?

President: No. May be. I don't know. Thank you? Anyway, as I was saying....
Mohamed Mubarak (jingles his keys in front of baby): Cooochiecoooochiecooochiecoooo! Oooh, you want this? Yes you do! Whosssaasweetiepie? Who?

President (to his aide): Could you please bring in the supplemental materials for this?
Aide: Mr. President, President and Mrs. Sarkozy are here. They want to see the baby. They saw a cute outfit for him and couldn't resist.
Mohamed Mubarak: Is he sleeping through the night?!

Cannot be done, my friends. Cannot be done.


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