Nobody sleeps alone

When we brought him home from the hospital, Wallaby slept really well. He would lay in the bassinet and nap for hours at a time. We could not believe our eyes. (Elijah did not sleep in the bassinet or any other stationary object longer than 15 minutes.) But, alas, by week 3 Wallaby has figured out that we are total suckers and started to treat us accordingly.

He will now only sleep when held, and screams as soon as you try to put him in a bassinet. And he wants to sleep ALL DAY. While held. I think his ideal schedule looks like this:

7:30am - 7:35am: Mom gets up.
7:35am - 7:30pm: Mom sits on couch and feeds me while I sleep.
7:30pm - 7:35pm: Mom gets up and swaddles me.
7:35pm - 7:35am: Mom sits on couch and feeds me while I sleep.

So Mom is getting nothing done during the day. Not even a nap, because I try to set him down when he falls asleep, then I fail, then I have to feed him again just to appease him. This is totally a Wombastic technique. Did they talk or something? Where did our good napper go?! Well at least he still sleeps ok at night: feeds around midnight, then around 3 and then sleeps to 7 or so, in the bassinet and all. Let's hope he keeps that up.

But, oh, every time I get up and shift him and sneak away, I feel SO guilty. It's so hard to let go of a sleeping baby!

Wallaby Birth Story

He was born on December 10, at 7:28am.  Made it in the nick of time.

I showed up at the hospital the day before, about an hour late for my induction, properly stressed about the whole thing.  Inductions are dangerous.  They increase the risk of ending up with a C-section.  They can be rushed and cause distress in the baby.  And they really suck in terms of pain.  Wombat was induced, and being hooked up to pitocin machine felt like someone knocked the wind out of you and then kept punching you repeatedly.  I was hoping to avoid induction with Wallaby, but there we were, week 42 rapidly closing and no sign of labor, and therefore, no choice.  With Wombat, I was at my wits end for how to delay induction another couple of days, and was very upset to have to go to the hospital and be messed with.  This time I didn't stress out as much as the first time: I kind of came to terms with it, and also I was just busy.  I ran out of the house an hour late after setting everything up for my parents to stay with Wombat and finishing up last-minute work items.  My Mom laughed and said that I was talking about giving birth the way you'd talk about going to a store "OK, I'll just run out and deliver the baby real quick, and then I'll be back and we can think of what to buy to cook next week...."

So I got to the hospital an hour late, got checked in, and after a while a midwife came by and offered some words of encouragement.  I didn't get my hopes up much, thinking that I've played this game before.  With Wombat, the induction started off on Cervidil, which did get contractions started.  Unfortunately, the contractions were not coming fast enough - they just started early labor, and they were getting more intense but not very quickly.  The midwife with me at the time suggested to try walking around to get them to pick up.  Determined to avoid pitocin at all costs, I made a big lap in and around the hospital, running all over the place, and got myself really tired just to get back and find out that contractions still have not become productive.  Midwife insisted on pitocin.  Pitocin was very ouchy.  I was already exhausted.  (No one tells you that to make it through pain you have to be well rested.  It takes a lot of energy and mental focus to deal with pain, it turns out.  If you are tired, your focus will be the first to go, and as soon as it leaves, you are done for).  After a few hours of feeling like drowning under pain, midwife said things still were not moving as fast as she'd like and told me we needed to break my water.  I asked for an epidural at that point.  Wombat was born soon after that.

So this time around, I was determined to not get myself tired out because, I told myself, let's face it - chances were pitocin was coming.  I was going to go through the whole Cervidil thing, have it (probably) start mild contractions again, then buck up and try to ride out the pitocin as long as I could.  It was important to go into it rested.  Midwife said "Sometimes with the second child, Cervidil does wonderful things, you never know".  That would be nice.

I got checked in, went to the birthing room, and on the first check, the midwife declared that I was at 4 centimeters.  This meant that I must have been having some contractions of my own and not feeling them!  This also meant that Cervidil had no point.  4 cm is as far as it will get you, and if you are already there, it will do nothing.  We decided to wait until morning; if nothing would happen, we'd start Pitocin then.  The monitor showed contractions.  I stared at it in disbelief.  The midwife suggested to strip the membranes to try to hurry things up.  We did.  I really still didn't think this was labor.

And then contractions came! They were very mild at first.  I walked around a little to try to get them to intensify, or at least to stay; I was really careful to not get tired out.  But they stayed! They became regular!  They came every 6 minutes and lasted 1-2 minutes each!  "Look at you!" said the nurse. By 11pm, I decided that I should go to sleep - I needed to be rested to handle labor, natural or pitocined.  So I fell asleep.

Contractions woke me up at 3am.  I've never been so happy to have something hurt in my life. I walked around my room to try and make them stay, or get more intense faster.  I was afraid that just like the last time, the contractions will be pronounced "not good enough".  By 5am they definitely became good enough for me; they took all of my concentration to get through. At 5am, I asked the nurse to call my midwife.  The contractions would come fast and really hard, and I was starting to feel the urge to push.  The nurse checked me and said we were at 6cm.  I remember saying that with contractions coming this fast, I really hope the midwife is not driving from Olney.

The contracitons on pitocin are very different from contractions you get on your own.  I know there are medical professionals who say that pain in natural labor and pain during induction are comparable.  I would like to punch those professionals in the face.  I don't know how to explain it, but contractions you get on your own do not cause you to go into panic.  They really hurt, but they somehow feel right at the same time.  It's possible to relax into them if you focus.  It's a lot of pain, but it doesn't cause you to tense up or get stressed out by it.  On Pitocin, relaxation was impossible and I felt panicked.  (This made me wonder if somehow natural oxytocin can cross the blood-brain barrier and shut off your fight-or-flight reaction, and synthetic oxytocin (pitocin) can not?) I would moan and grunt my way through contractions with Wallaby, and in my mind be perfectly calm.  I could hear myself make noise and sometimes it sounded like a song I'd sing to Elijah at bedtime; like a sad slow lullaby for the baby. 

 It did get bad enough a couple of times that I thought of getting an epidural.  What stopped me was remembering how, with Elijah, epidural made me loose all feeling of the baby moving (duh, I know).  It really freaked me out at the time; after 9 months of having the kid tumble around, suddenly you feel nothing.  All you have is the baby heart monitor, and you can no longer help the baby get through contractions by moving to be more comfortable yourself.  I hated that feeling.  So this time, when I thought of getting the epidural, I told myself "You won't feel the baby anymore if you do.  You won't be able to walk around with him if you do. "  So I didn't.  If the contractions took longer though, I probably would have caved.  

I don't know how much time passed between calling the midwife and the midwife arriving, but when the midwife got there she said we were at 9cm and it was pretty much time to push.  When she said that, I said "Really?"  She said "We are going to have this baby".  They started warming the bassinet, unwrapping the blanket, getting the lights, the whole thing, and in my head I just kept thinking  "Really? No, really?"

Really.  I'm not sure how long I had to push, but it didn't feel like very long.  It's weird: when it's time to push, if you try to hold it, the pain is really bad.  But if you do actually push, then it doesn't hurt!!  Crazy, but true.  It was a bit of pushing, and changing positions, and the baby was almost out (according to eyewitnesses at my rear end), but not out.  The midwife and nurse suddenly looked worried and, with no explanation and in very strict voices commanded to me that the baby has to come out.  Now. Then they shoved an oxygen mask on my face.  This breathed a lot of new energy into me in addition to oxygen, and I seriously started to push, contractions or no contractions.  And he came out.  And made a lot of noise immediately.  Poor kid. It turned out that he was facing the wrong way: toward my back, not toward my front.  I didn't have back labor, but apparently him facing the wrong way makes it hard, and sometimes impossible, to push him out.  The narrowest side of the head is the forehead, and when the baby faces your back, you have to get a wider side of the head out first.  Sometimes that's not possible, and when that's the case, they have to C-section the kid out.  They can't wait very long, because the umbilical cord is compressed in the birth canal, and the baby will become oxygen-deprived if he doesn't emerge quickly.  That was why my midwife and nurse had the very worried looks on their faces.  Thank lord Wallaby was able to come out.

After that bit of a trip down the birth canal, Wallaby was letting everyone have a piece of his mind, and I wanted to feed him.  They put him on my chest for a little bit, but then the midwife declared that she needed to do the stitches.  I couldn't feed the little one because I was twitching as she was doing it, so he ended up having to shriek for food for what felt like an eternity while she was doing her needlework.  As soon as she was done and Wallaby could eat, he fell asleep and slept the sleep of the just.  And I was so, so happy.  Happy that my baby was ok.  Happy that I delivered a kid all on my own, with no drugs messing with my baby and me.  Happy that he made it in the nick of time.  And really thankful to some higher power that made this happen.

Once he was fed, and washed, and swaddled, we moved to our Mother-Baby room.  It had  a window, and behind the window was the first snowfall of the year.   Beautiful, soft, gigantic snowflakes were rushing to the ground in the morning twilight, and Ingy and I stared at it for a while like it were a present.  "See", we said to Wallaby, "first snow of the season, just for you on your birthday".  He slept through it. :)

Nathan is here!

World, meet Nathan! He was born on 12/10/10, at 7:28am. December 10 also happens to be his grandpa's birthday, so I guess he really wanted to be the main gift. This gift will be hard to beat next year. (Coincidentally, the due date was on grandma's birthday).

After much deliberation, we named him Nathan Gabriel. Iggy looked at him and decided that he sort of looked like a Nathan. We really like the meaning of the name - "a gift from God". And this way both kids have Hebrew names, a matching set. (Iggy pointed out that it would be historically ironic to have one kid bear a Hebrew name, and another be a Roman. Ha.)

Nathan was born with blue eyes, chestnut hair (lots of it) and light skin. At 7 lbs 13 oz, he's about a pound bigger than Wombat at birth. So far, brothers are getting on ok. Elijah is very good with the new addition and is very concerned for baby's well being. He is also concerned with the baby taking any of his toys, but so far that's not in the cards.

And here we are, again.

My due date was November 27.

In surprise to.... no one, the baby has no intention of coming out on that date.  Or any date around that date.  Therefore, just like with Wombat, the midwives have launched their "WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE POST-DUE" offensive.  As part of that exercise, I sat through a no-stress-test yesterday.

I'd like to mention that the no-stress part refers strictly to the baby.  The mother can get pretty stressed out by the test, and that's ok.  Like, for example yesterday, when Wallaby decided that the test is a great time to take a nap after some vigorous kicking exercises.  For the uninitiated, the no-stress-test is when they strap a monitor to your belly to check how often the baby is kicking (and how his heart rate does when he kicks).  If the baby does not kick enough (whatever enough is, I'm not sure), then you have failed the test.  I know. It's just like high school Presidential Fitness Test, but in utero.

Wombat was nice enough to kick like mad during the entire 20 minutes.  Granted, he spot-kicked the monitor, but still, he was nice enough to kick.  Wallaby, as I said, decided to ignore the test altogether and took a nap, which prompted the midwife to make a concerned face and send me to the hospital for a "semi-emergency" biophysical profile on the baby, just in case.  Of course, as soon as I sat down in the car, Wallaby started moving like a tape of aerobics exercises was playing in my womb in front of him.  Nice.

Anyway, a biophysical means an ultrasound, so I wasn't too against the whole thing.  I really liked getting a picture of Wombat's face when he was 41 weeks, and was kind of looking forward to getting a picture of Wallaby too.  I called husband to join me for this treat, and off we went.  In the hospital, they ran another no-stress-test (which they said worked out fine, even though I swear Wallaby wasn't moving more than at the midwives), and then shipped us off to the ultrasound.

And, as soon as the ultrasound was on, Wallaby did not move.  He was very still.  We had to zoom in on him, and when we zoomed on one of his hands, we saw.... him staring at his fist, folding and unfolding his fingers in a very contemplative manner.  Staring off into the distance.  Very poetic.  The poetic atmosphere was interrupted by the technician, who told me "Can you make him move, because if he doesn't, they'll keep you in the hospital".

I assumed "they'll keep you in the hospital" meant "they'll C-section this baby out of you", rather than, say, "They'll keep you and feed you lunch", so I became very motivated and sat up.  I've noticed that sitting up squishes Wallaby and he begins to squirm.  It worked, until he settled down again and (I assume) stared at his other hand unfolding.  Or something.  Finally, we got enough movement out of him to declare the biophysical a success, got our report and left.  Whew.

With the no stress test and the ultrasound (biophysical) behind us, now we wait.  Just like before.  Except hopefully not as long as before.  Next Monday is another no stress test, and 9th is the induction (with the 10th being the expected latest date of birth).  I don't know if we'll make it that long though; unlike Wombat, I think I am getting some contractions with this one already and the baby is riding lower.  I think he is going to head for the exit once he has finished doing long division using his fingers or whatever it is he is working on in there.

This experience makes me a little bit concerned about this kid's personality, I must say.  Wombat is cooperative.  Very.  Other than forgetting what his due date was (or possibly just being too busy with his personal womb beautification projects), he has cooperated the entire time and continues to do so.  Not Wallaby, it appears.  I think this will be the child that will have me going to the principal's office, explaining his latest shenanigans while he stands there angel-faced wearing an expression of deepest piety.

Names: The Final Showdown

In case you are just joining us, I'm very pregnant.  Like, a month away from the due date today.  Now, we have been through this once before and we know that most baby stuff is overrated. There is very little that babies (newborn) actually need, except for Mom and a blankie and a binkie.  Seriously.  (Mom, on another hand, needs quite a few things, of which a case of wine is the most important).

But there is one thing all babies need.  A name.

We don't have one of those.  Still.  This is officially an emergency.

Here is our final list of names, with all we think of them.  Both first and middle names are probably going to come from this list, but.... which ones?!

Gabriel

We really love this name.  However, it has issues.  Or may be it's just us who have issues and the name is really fine.  We feel that it's too soft.  Too effeminate.   We like soft names for boys (Elijah, for example :), but we also like to give the boy a way to masculinize it.  Elijah can be easily shortened to the macho "Eli".  Gabriel has no such options.  The only nickname is Gabe, which is hardly masculine and (we think) doesn't sound very nice.  In online forums, many Gabriels say that often people expect to see a woman when they see their name written because... apparently Americans can't distinguish between Gabriel as masculine and Gabrielle as feminine?    And, as a final insult, the default tease for Gabriel is, of course, "Gay Gabe" which can't be fun whether you are gay or straight.  Actually, it's probably worse if you ARE gay.  Sigh.

But!  All of those name reviews are from people named Gabriel who are now adults.  When they were little and named this, Gabriel was not a popular name - but it is now.  It's number 25 in the US and climbing the charts.  There will definitely be multiple Gabriels in school, and may be (just may be) teasing someone with "gay" epithet is finally becoming really socially unacceptable?  Hopefully?  Is it getting to be taboo?  Several of our friends, when we said "Gabriel has an obvious tease option" responded "huh? what would that be?".  Are they right and are we overthinking it, or are they just adults and we still think like playground 3rd graders? Because we are good at that.  Sadly, events of recent weeks seems to suggest that harassing someone because of sexual orientation, or using sex-orientation insults to humiliate is still alive and well.  May be Wallaby's generation can make such bigotry as taboo as insults based on gender or race have become now.  But do we want to bet on that?  I'm not sure.

Anthony

Hm.  Overall good name, but we are not crazy about the nickname "Tony" that comes with it.   Also, I'm partial to "Antonio" variant of the name, because I think it sounds HOT and is a great way to be introduced to girls in bars (or boys! either way!).  But Antonio Flores does sound (while HOT) like you just crossed the border yesterday.   And it would still have the nickname "Tony" (or "Tony-O"?) that we don't like.  The Russian variant of this name is Anton, so we would be good in that department.  Anthony is currently name number 10 on the charts, and is always popular, so.... is it too bland?  It's also a name that's hard to tease.... there isn't really much you can come up with.

Simon

Iggy loves this name.  I hated it at first, and now it's growing on me just a little bit, but I'm still not sure.  It just feels so... nerdy.  In my head, Simon has to be a bookish type for some reason, and online reviews seem to say the same.  I think it might be hard to overcome the image that lots of people associate with this name.  On the bright side, though, there is no nickname (except for Si, i guess) and it's an easy-traveling, easy-to-spell name (except in Spanish, where Simon gets to be Si Mon to the delight of every 3rd grader on the playground).  All the potential teasing would involve nursery rhymes and old TV characters which, again, is not so bad.

Dante

We both really like the name, but it's heavily African-American right now, and also (according to sports teams rosters) seems to be heavily jock-inclined.  Our Wallaby is not going to be either.   There is, of course, the original Dante Allegheri, which is a bit more our speed.... but would Wallaby constantly be defying expectations by being a white, not-too-jocky (probably) type of guy?  Would this name fit? 

There is also no Russian (or any other language) equivalent - the name is quintessentially Italian.  Everyone the world over knows about it, thanks to Allegheri, but still.... other names travel better.  As far as teasing goes, this one is not easy to tease and is a pretty cool name overall.  It's not at all popular in the charts right now, so it will definitely stand out, and it should be equally at home at a bar or at a boardroom.  We think. You can definitely be a jock or a poet with it, but you do need a bit of flare to rock this name.  Will Wallaby have what it takes to own it and pull it off?

Roman

This was the first name that we sort of liked.  It has everything going for it - no nickname, sort-of-trendy with its '-an' ending, sounds sufficiently masculine and yet can be worn well by an artsy type.... it's all there.  Even has a Russian equivalent - it's exactly the same name in Russian, just place the accent on the last syllable instead of the first.  Not to mention that, when pronounced that way, the name (in French, Russian and loads of other languages) also means "A Novel" (as in a book). Swoon.  How romantic and intellectual.

But.... the latest association with this name is Roman Polanski.  Not so good.  Of course, Wallaby's generation will have no clue who Polanski was, and so it's probably ok.... but still has a bit of a bad taste for right now, no?  Also, Roman begins to sound like an adjective as soon as you add a middle name.  I mean, "Roman Gabriel" sounds like something you should be sprinkling Parmesano cheese on.  We don't know... this name has all the elements we are looking for, but somehow we just can't get very excited about it.

Well, that's the list.  One thing for sure - we will use the first and middle name to counter balance each other.  So, if the first name is a quirky one like Gabriel we are probably going to go with Anthony to give the kid an all-American "out" option.  If the first name is an all-American one like Simon or Anthony, then we will probably make the middle name Gabriel. 

But what should we pick? What do we do? What does everyone think of our concerns? Are we insane? (don't answer that last one).